Pokemon Crystal | Day Three, technically | The Ned Flanders incident

Man, now I know why nobody does SSLPs any more. Formatting this fucking thing has been a bitch and a half on it's own thanks to Blogger's awful coding, but there's also the challenges that come with trying to take enough screenshots to give a good idea of what happened while not just being redundant, and it feels like there's more pressure to do commentary on every single shot you take. Jesus, thank god to Slowbeef for popularizing the video format, because this is really goddamn aggravating to work with.

Nevertheless, I'm still trudging on, because I still need to escape from this video game. I mean sure I like Gen 2, but with the modern days bringing forth vastly improved remakes I don't want to be stuck playing the far less polished originals forever. Hell, I still haven't finished my copy of Soul Silver. I should see about doing that once I'm done here. Probably not right away, though. I'm not exactly that keen on playing through the same game twice in a row. Like, remember how pissed people were when Ghosts and Goblins made you do that? As if the game wasn't already crap enough.

Uhh... What was I talking about? Oh yeah, Pokemon. Last we left off, my Pokemans nearly got killed in confrontation with my rival. I made it through without any casualties, though, and we chose to proceed through the Ilex Forest on our way to the next Gym.

Immediately upon getting in I encountered a Metapod. To my knowledge, Nuzlocke runs don't typically count repeat Pokemon, but I'm not 100% on that, so I ignored it.

This guy here tells me about how he lost his boss' Farfetch'd, who knows cut, a move I'll be needing to get through the forest. Since I wasn't able to pass otherwise, I decided to head through the other path, see if there was another way...

...When suddenly, I found the Farfetch'd. So, me being the kind of person I am, I decided to chase it, hoping to kidnap it, and then make it cut the tree.

As it turns out, the Farfetch'd didn't take very lightly to my intended kidnapping. We ran in circles for a little while, until I eventually decided to turn around, mess with it's expectations, and get it from behind...

It didn't work.

NO SIR I FOUND IT FOR MYSELF IT JUST RAN BACK TO YOU WHILE I WAS TRYING TO---

Never mind yes I found it for you c:

The HM contained cut, which as I said earlier, was necessary for me to make it through. By the way, can we just talk about how ridiculous it is that there are this many roadblocks in Johto? It's a bit bizarre, honestly. How do people even get around in this place without Pokemon?

Y'know what's weird? I'm like 90% certain that I've taught a Rattata to use cut before. Did they just change that in 3rd gen? Either way, I figured tackle and cut are basically the same move anyway, so I just used up that slot. And hell, Tackle is really just a safeguard for when Butt needs to fight a Pokemon resistant to Razor Leaf, anyway...

Anyways, after cutting down the tree, I proceeded to troll around the forest. Before those of you unfamiliar with the game ask, no, that is not a port-a-potty. It's apparently a shrine, dedicated to some type of guardian Pokemon.

After a bit of running around, I found Bugsy in the forest, and he gave me a TM containing the move headbutt. This is good for someone like me who enjoys hitting things, but for everyone else, you'd be forgiven for not caring.

I found this guy soon after, and feeling it peculiar that he'd be facing the trees, talked to him thinking he'd be an NPC.

I don't exactly have that good a memory of this place, so...

But it all worked out in the end because, in addition to beating up his pets, I also happened to have crushed his dreams, and on total accident, too!

After all that, though, I made it out of the forest, where I received another TM that I'm never going to use. Go me.

After that, I ended up on a new route, and my first encounter was a Snubbull. Getting this meant that I would have a dark type move, albeit not a dark type Pokemon, so I took the opportunity. Why not, after all?

I caught it with little hassle, and here's where I realized something: Snubbull, in addition to being clearly a bulldog, is supposed to be a fairy. Gen 6 introduced a fairy type. Therefore Snubbull, the fairy Pokemon, now has a redundant title.

Wow.

Also her name is short for "Neighboroonie", because for a moment I was possessed by Ned Flanders. Go figure.

Excuse me, bitch, but I have 2/8 gym badges, do I look like I need fuckin' "practice" to you?

Also how do you have a Bulbasaur those aren't even in the wild you dingaloid you are breaking the law partially.

Shortly afterwards, I met with a Pokemon-only daycare. I got an egg which was boxed immediately and also I left my two boxed Pokemon, Eric and dong, with the elderly couple running the place.

There they are the little dorkuses

But with that said, may I just point out how bizarre it is that we have health care, day cares, medicine, etc. for Pokemon in this world, but absolutely none for humans? What the hell happens if I get an injury? What if I get poisoned by a Beedril? Am I just SOL?

And as I arrived in Goldenrod, I was struck with an amazing fascination like none other...

A giant-ass store. Normally, I don't give a damn about stores. But something about being magically transformed into a 10 year old girl made me want to submit to the patriarchy and head into the store, talking about purses with a buddy.

Unfortunately, every time I spoke with someone they just repeated the same line over and over until I stopped talking to them.

It was mostly a bust, with the exception of this set of punches that I'm gonna have to remember for the future being a notable exception.

I walked away, disgusted that I succumbed to the wills of common gender roles for nothing, and let down my newly-adopted sex. With this new achievement placed upon my back, I then went on to...

...Accept someone I've never met's phone number, from a second-party...

...Found the entrance to "The Underground"...

...Decided not to go there and instead went to the game corner...

...Met some crazy chick with a gambling addiction...

...Learned where I could go to get a carrying case for arcade tokens...

...Got a free bicycle...

...Rode a free bicycle...

...FOUND A BROKEN KEYBOARD

BOUGHT A BROKEN KEYBOARD...

...Stopped by this radio tower for no reason...

...Went through the Undergound...

...Learned of the magical power of haircuts...

...Found a man whose parents can't spell...

...That one guy's coin case...

...And a locked door...

...And afterwards, decided to gamble for a little while...

...Totally ignoring the fact that in this new girl body, I'm like 10 years old...

...Then I went to the radio tower again, to get a radio card...

...Engaged in the utmost exciting of conversations with man or beast...

...All before finally taking on the Gym.

I went around this Gym trying to catch NEIGHBOR up with the other Pokemons I had on me, which led her to finally learning how to bite things.

By the way, this one girl had literally nothing but Meowths and I think she might've been a liiiittle bit obsessed...

How did you get to be a gym trainer again?

Confession time? This is not the first time I've fought Whitney this run. The actual first time, my emulator real Gameboy Color device crashed while I was trying to decide which Pokemon I'd send out to die so I could get NAKEY MAN to put her Miltank to sleep... Thank god for that, I guess, otherwise I'd be stuck in this game forever.

Not really, though. I'd just have to restart from my last save point, since I don't want to end on a failure. I know, I'm cheap.

As her first Pokemon, she drew out a Clefairy. I had nothing strong against normal types, so I just had to roll with what I had. Clefairy was downed with relatively little effort, as I just used Razor Leaf with butt.

Miltank was a lot trickier, though. Luckily, with a bit of strategy in my path, (Read: Have NAKEY MAN put her to sleep, then get Harold to spam Hyper Fang) I got her down pretty low...

...That is, until she woke up. Thank god Harold had quick attack, else he'd be dead in the water.

...Is this a fucking joke?

No, really, is this a goddamn joke?

Y'know what, never mind, I don't want you crap-ass badge anymore.

YES BECAUSE YOUR LEADER IS A LITERAL GODDAMN BABY

And it is at this point she was like "Oh yeah, the badge, here you go!"

How in the blue blazing hell did you get to be a Gym leader?

Well, as per standard Gym procedure, I got myself a badge, as well as a TM that I'm never gonna use. The badge lets me use Strength outside of battle but as I remember it, you don't get that HM for a little while anyways.

With that, I headed out of the city. I feel like today was a bit less eventful in some respects, but hey, makes the job in writing this a lot easier, anyways! So, hopefully the next female Gym leader we meet (Look on the card, there are two more) is less of a baby but also doesn't nearly kill my entire team.

So, to recap:
7 Pokemon (+1)
1 Casualty (+0)
3/8 badges