Pokemon Crystal Nuzlocke, with Your Pet Velociraptor: Pokemon Crystal | Day Four

At times, there are questions everyone has to ask themselves. Things such as "What even is life?", "What if my beliefs have always been wrong and I just never knew?", "What's the haps Strong Bad?", "lmao man r u high???", and in my case, "How long will I be able to go before I just totally run out of opening paragraphs and just start bashing against my keyboard for the sole purpose of having one?" And it is this question that drives me to reach the true finale of Pokemon Crystal and face the hidden super boss.

Well, that and the whole "I'm stuck here until then" backstory.

...Come to think of it, a traveller did mention that the tree blocked her way to Goldenrod, where I just came from, and where she wanted to go shopping at...

I should probably warn her that the shops here suck ass.

Anyway, I had to go through Route 35 to reach the next city I'd been heading towards, and I'd assume I'll also be needing to fight that tree along the way. Mainly because this is being written after the fact and as such I am dead certain that I will be needing to do that because I did so before writing and if you scroll down you will see me doing it.

Spoiler alert.

...But... You were... You were just standing there... Twirling around...

How were you going to the Gym.

And after I beat you you just... Continued... Pacing...

...Y'know, I think now I know why I had a bad feeling about this.

She does this all the time. This wasn't the first time it happened so far, and it even happens again later on in this entry. Basically my mom just uses my money to buy random shit, completely disregarding the fact that this is my money and I trusted her to act as a bank.

I'm *sniff* so proud...

...You do that.

I mean, I have no idea what you plan to do to show her, but hey, it can only end in disaster, so...

...I mean, considering this is your girlfriend, you'd probably be better off if you traumatized her. Teach her a lesson in being a shallow bitch wanting to leech off of other people. Teach her to be independent, teach her that she doesn't need to depend on a man to be happy, teach her that dating should be something that she does because she loves someone.

What I'm saying is that you should whip your dick out at her in front of all her friends. For feminism.

You monster.

ALSO I AM LITERALLY EIGHT YEARS OLD ONCE AGAIN

...This was one of that guy's pokemon.

He seriously has a level 2 Voltorb this far in.

Okay this is frankly getting old now sir.

After all that, I took a detour, ended up at the next route, and realized I was going past something I wanted to do first. I headed back immediately, and along the way...

...Reinforced the fact that I am literally eight years old.

If you are not sick of me repeating that over and over by now then I have not done my job correctly.

Anyway, as for what I wanted to do, I wanted to show off the bug-catching contest, mainly to see if I could pull off top 3 during a nuzlocke run, with nuzlocke conditions. I brought Harold along for the ride, because why not?

So I entered, and began wading through the tall grass for the bugs, see if I could get something good.

...Goddammit.

I was thinking it would be worthwhile to grind a bit afterwards, but the Weedle poisoned Harold, effectively leaving me with no safe way to do it.

So instead, I just sat there until my 20 minutes were up.

As you can probably tell, I didn't win. I got a berry as consolation, but then, so did everyone.

Well, anyways, that was my only granted attempt at the challenge here. Again, totally reliant on the RNG giving you a butterfree, which it likely won't.

So, after that, all that was left to do was to name the Weedle (Who I promptly boxed because I don't need him) and unpoison Harold.

So I met this girl with a weird name along the way, who promptly proceeded to set me on a quest for the rare and elusive "watering can" that I can use to bug the hell out of a tree.

It was embarrassingly easy to get it though. All I had to do, apparently, was beat Whitney, in order to get this every day bottle of Febreze. Y'know... At least Bugsy's thing made sense in the "okay this thing gives me magical powers" sense but this just feels shoehorned in to force you to beat Whitney before going further.

Hell yeah I get to annoy a tree

Hell yeah I get to hit things

Hell yeah I killed it in one hiWAIT SHIT I WAS GOING TO CATCH IT GODDAMMIT MOTHERFrick

Man,

Anyway, some time earlier, Gina called and told me to go and get something from her. I went through Violet to Azalea, and along the way I evolved Harold, and by accident, butt evolved too. You can thank my habit of fast-forwarding through everything for that, I guess.

Funny story, by the way: I thought her route was on the path between Violet and Azalea, so I ended up going in a circle around that entire area. Don't you just love when that happens? And all she even got me was a leaf stone, which I'm probably never going to use since Eevee didn't evolve into Leafeon this generation. And even then, iirc for some reason the leaf stone didn't evolve Eevee into that. And plus, I don't even remember where we get Eevee in gen 2. Which is kinda odd since Eevee is my favorite gen 1 Pokemon so maybe we just don't even though this gen introduced two of it's evolutions.

Anyway, Route 37. If you're wondering, none of the catchables I got on any of these Routes were ones that benefited me in any way so I just didn't bother.

...Okay wow your parents were lazy.

And, on to Ecruteak... However the fuck you're supposed to pronounce that. Seriously it's like they took Canada's naming tradition and just spoke gibberish for the city names. Oshawa, Ottawa, Halifax, etc...

When's Pokemon going to make a region based around Canada, anyway? I mean, they already have the free healthcare, kinda. It'd be a perfect fit! Kinda.

This is my conspiracy theory.

And, speaking of conspiracy theories, this guy. Actual foreshadowing for a thing, it would appear. We won't be seeing it for a long while, but Lake of Rage one of the most memorable parts of the game for me.

What, you think just because I'm a girl means I have to put on some kind of show for everyone? Well how about no? What has anyone done to really deserve that? Plus, I'm only ten. You really think I'd go out, strut my stuff, and lose my---

...Come to think of it, I feel like I might be misinterpreting what he meant by "dance"...

Woah, you mean I can get paid to have my tiny monsters beat the shit out of other tiny monsters? Dude, I'm in!

Respectively, these were how it was layed out. The top two had the new eeveelutions (Umbreon and Espeon) while the bottom three had all the gen 1 eeveelutions. All of them were pretty easily dispatched by spamming them with attacks. Oddly effective tactic, that.

So for doing that, I got the ability to teach my Pokemon to surf. The only problem is that as far as I know, none of my Pokemon can learn it, though I didn't actually check. Still, I need a water pokemon anyway, so I'll see about catching one soon as possible.

Yeah if your idea of beauty is being FUCKIN' SCRUB GARBAGE lmao

Yeesh, and people say the life of a model is easy. Like, I don't even like people and I feel sorry for these kids. Just casually hanging out with friends must be hell.

...So, is that like, the actual name? Like did it not have a name before? Was it not actually burned down and just made to look like it was as a stylistic choice? What?

Also, wasn't there a pointless little path to go through before getting to the tower initially? Was that changed in Crystal or am I just misremembering Silver?

I didn't bother going in just yet because I wanted to save the towers for their own episode, since I felt like that would be a little easier to manage and also people in the comments would make 9/11 jokes.

They wouldn't be funny, but still, thought that counts.

I mean, heading into the Tin Tower, you get this, anyway...

...So why not, I thought...

...Then I learned why.

With that knowledge, I swallowed my pride and entered the Burned Tower.

So, question? Does anyone else pronounce it "Soo-ick-yoon" rather than "Swee-coon"? Like, that's how I always pronounced it, but official sources pronounce it the latter and that just doesn't sound right to me, mainly because it sounds like a racial slur.

So, yeah, here he is. Morty. The Gym leader. I have to help him find the Legendary Dogs (This game's trio of legendaries) in order to get him back in the Gym, so I guess I'll go do that for the sake of beating up his creatures later.

Oh hey, it's FUCKBOI! Long time* no see, FUCKBOI!

*Like two days

...... ...... ...... to you too!

Hey remember me I'm the chick who keeps beating up your Pokemons

Here's the funny thing: FUCKBOI actually put up less of a fight this time around. I literally just Hyper Fanged all of his Pokemon and won with not effort at all. Only like one attack even hit me. I seriously have that little to say about this fight.

...And he says this every time he loses to me.

...Okay, guess that answers the "is it just a theme?" question well enough.

Holy shit I just unleashed dangerous monsters out into the wilderness.

Is there no limit to all the great things I can do?

...Well, all that out of the way...

...Finally, I can take on the Ecruteak Gym for real. Again, not gonna bore you with all the trainer battles, so let's do a bit of scene-hopping...

This screenshot looks like a bunch of nothing to you, right? Well, as it turns out, that's an invisible floor. For those that have played the game before, here's hot that floor works: It's not actually invisible. There's a switch on a lot of the tiles that teleports you to the beginning of the gym when you step on it. Yes, it's every bit as needlessly painful as it looks and if this were a world where people cared about human health, it would not be legal. But it's not.

Not really, I just looked it up on GameFAQs and figured it out instantly.

HE HAS NO STYLE
HE HAS MEDIUM GRACE

Anyway, NEIGHBOR evolved into a Granbull during the Gym battles, (I used her almost exclusively for this gym) but one thing I want to know remains unanswered...

...WHY DOES EVERYONE HERE ONLY HAVE GHASTLY-LINE POKEMON?

Also yadda yadda airline food, but like, I could've sworn we had at least one ghost type introduced in gen 2, am I just misremembering things? Bluh...

Morty, much like everyone else in his Gym, is mostly a cakewalk. Again, I just spammed bite on his Ghastly and Haunter, and they went down with little resistance. So what tripped me up?

Gengar. He was the highest level of all of Morty's pokemon, and had a move that can put Pokemon to sleep, and also lock them in place, preventing you from switching to another. He put NEIGHBOR to sleep, forcing me to switch to the one Pokemon capable of damaging him, butt.

butt got locked in, but I managed to get him with Razor Leaf spamming and a stroke of, again, pure luck on my part. His final Haunter was easy, since all his moves were Ghost type, which NEIGHBOR is immune to. So, yeah, it was basically decided then and there that I'd won.

And with that, I'd gotten the badge, finally, and can now use Surf outside of battle. Which I mean, I kind of need to do in order to make it to the next Gym. Hey, look at that, something that isn't totally farfetched of an explanation as to why we need the Gym badge to progress. Take cues, Whitney.